Just a snippet for now…..

My plan was to continue to write about our journey. In my last post, I finally got to the end of our time in San Diego. The next thing I was going to write about was our road trip and beyond. But, as usual, life got in the way and it’s been weeks since my last post.

When I posted that last entry about our last weeks before leaving, I was actually in San Diego for a lovely extended visit. I stayed with friends and family, but when I wrote that last post about leaving San Diego, I was staying by myself in an Air B&B in Point Loma -just down the road from our former beloved home in La Playa. I know some people think it’s odd (my husband included) that I like to stay by myself, but I really do treasure my time alone. Staying in my old neighborhood is cathartic for me and helps me feel like the “me” where I’m most comfortable – the Southern California me, where the sky is wide open, where I can hear the seagulls and the foghorn and the bugle that plays every morning at eight o’clock from the naval base across the bay. It’s my time to visit my former life, my time to wear my yoga pants and flip flops all day, to take walks on familiar paths, to see the sunset each evening from my peaceful place – Sunset Cliffs. This is the third time I’ve done this since moving to France, and this is the first time I left feeling more peace in my heart and soul as opposed to bittersweet feelings of nostalgia and loss. That’s progress People….I might actually be making progress.

It was a little weird and surreal to be writing about my past while actually being in that very place. Good though, I think – a cleansing, full circle kind of thing. But, I will tell you that the first night I was there, I left my barre class (with sweet and surprise reunions with some remarkable women from the Bar Method community), and drove down Rosecrans toward my temporary digs…..a street I’ve driven thousands of times. I let my mind and car wander further down the road toward La Playa and as I was getting closer to my old home, I found myself thinking “why are you doing this to yourself?” In fact, I remember actually saying it out loud. By the time I got to my old street, the tears began to flow and then came huge, heaving sobs so loud I scared myself. I was nearly hyperventilating and thought I’d have to pull over. But I drove around the block a few times and just let myself have those few moments to fully feel and express my grief and loss. The voracity of my reaction surprised me, but it needed to happen. I went back to my Air B&B, had a glass of wine (well, more like a half of a bottle – let’s be honest) and began writing that last post. All part of the process. That’s progress, People….slow, painful but necessary progress.

So, that will be it for now. A lot has happened since my time in San Diego. I’m going to write more about that now. Later, I’ll get back to the journey – maybe. Life is piling on – we’ll see where it leads me and my writing.

As always, thank you for reading.

Much love to you,

❤️ Lisa